Being Thankful

Thanksgiving is an exceptional holiday. It is filled with so many great American traditions. Among them are fresh roast turkey with all the trimmings, homemade pudding, pies, cakes and cobblers, hot apple cider, dining tables spilling over with guests, children diving into huge leaf piles with cousins the rarely see, The Macy’s Day Parade, and our favorite pastime……football.

However, no matter how we spend Thanksgiving Day, the one thing we all have in common is that we get to take the occasion to deeply and profoundly acknowledge all the blessings we are grateful for.

As our National Anthem reminds us, America truly is the “the land of the free” and “the home of the brave” and there are many people to thanks for that.

Of course there are the Pilgrims who left their homeland in pursuit of freedom only to arrive in the New World in the dead of winter after spending months at sea.

Luckily they arrived to be greeted by the Wampanoag Indians who lived in the Massachusetts’ Bay area. They shared their knowledge of crops, land and navigation so the English could survive. Together they established the first Thanksgiving in 1621 with the ritual of feasting and celebrating their good fortune.

Then on October 3rd, 1789, George Washington penned one of the first Thanksgiving Proclamations to insure we set this day aside as something special and sacred. He wrote, “Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor, and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness”.


And today we have the men and women of the armed forces, police officers, firemen, and all the volunteer organizations such as Post 53 who keep us safe and secure so we can continue to enjoy daily life that is filled with liberties much of the world will never see.


Gratitude is a huge part of American life, heritage and ethics. Dr Robert Emmons, professor and scholar on the “science of gratitude”, believes that being thankful is an important dimension of how we deal with one and other and says gratitude is one of the building blocks of a civil and humane society.

He writes in his latest book Thanks, “First of all gratitude is the acknowledgment of goodness in one’s life. Second it is recognizing that this goodness comes from outside ourselves. One can be grateful to other people and to God but never to oneself. Thankfulness is directed outward to the giver of gifts”.

Gratitude can also benefit you personally and can make a real change in how you view the world. According to another recent bestseller, Thank You Power, test studies were done using volunteers in 3 groups to test if gratitude can really make a difference in one’s life. Group 1 focused on the “hassles” of daily life. Group 2 focused on “ordinary life events” and group 3 focused on “all the things they were grateful for”.

The results were dramatic.

Group 3 reported fewer ailments, were less depressed, less anxious, and less envious of other people. They spent more time exercising, had more joy, more energy, and got more sleep. Moreover they were observed by others to be more optimistic, more helpful and more compassionate.


Ben Stein, writer, actor and economist, recently wrote an article in the American Spectator on gratitude. He points out the difference between being rich and feeling rich.

“A few days ago, I was driving golf balls in my usual pitiful way, all by myself on the driving range, when suddenly a warm breeze came out of nowhere and washed me in common sense.” He writes, “I am here on this beautiful grass, I suddenly thought. The sky is azure blue. The palm fronds are rustling nearby. No one is trying to kill me. I've just had a great lunch. My health is decent. I have my wife waiting for me at home and our dogs. I am a happy, happy guy. I am grateful, and that is being rich. Gratitude is wealth. Gratitude for what you have right now. Gratitude especially for what you have now that so many people would die for, gratitude for what you have now that won’t last”.

To Forgive Is Divine

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” It was Alexander Pope, the great eighteenth century poet who famously penned these words in his “Essay on Criticism”. He posits the great human dilemma that all people commit sins and make mistakes but God is willing to forgive them. Can we, in turn, act Godlike and extend that kind of forgiveness to others?

Having just celebrated the Easter holiday, we all recognize why Christ went to the cross. The cross of Christ points to the fact that Jesus died for the sins of the world so that man could be back in right relationship with God. It is the greatest illustration of sacrificial love the world has ever known and a testament to how much God cares for mankind.

So what can we learn about forgiveness and how can we follow the example of Christ to bestow a similar kind of divine love to our neighbors, friends, family and the world around us?


In Matthew 18:21-22, the disciple, Peter asks the same question. “Then Peter came and said to Jesus, Lord, if one sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven.”

This passage can be a good measuring stick for how we are doing in our own relational life when it comes to forgiving others and having others forgive us.

Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well being. “The practice of forgiveness is not simply a one-time action or an isolated feeling or thought. Forgiveness involves us in a whole way of life that is shaped by an ever-deepening friendship with God and with other people. The central goal of this practice is to reconcile, to restore communion - with God, with one another, and with the whole creation.”


There is no one definition of forgiveness but it does involve a decision to let go of resentment and embrace a progression toward positive change. Rick Warren, author of the “Purpose Driven Life”, gives give a four-step plan on how to start the practice of forgiveness.

He recommends talking with God first because often conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of those needs may not be able to be met by anyone but God. Secondly, he tells us to take the initiative to restore the damaged relationship. Waiting will often lead to resentments building up over time. Third, he urges us to sympathize with the other person’s feelings and then search for and confess our part in the conflict. Fourth, he reminds us to attack the problem not the person. Emphasize reconciliation not resolution. Reverend Warren says it is unrealistic to expect complete agreement and tells us to focus on the relationship not the problem.

Forgiveness is something virtually all Americans aspire to -- 94% surveyed in a nationwide Gallup poll said it was important to forgive. However in reality, we are not living up to our own ideals. It turns out forgiveness is something we don’t offer frequently. (In the same survey, only 48% said they usually tried to forgive others.)

Forgiveness is not easy and can be especially daunting if the other person neither admits wrongdoing nor speaks of regret. Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness as a way to also change your life. It will bring you more peace, happiness, and emotional healing. Each time we witness an act of forgiveness we marvel at it’s power to restore. It breaks a seemingly unending cycle of pain. We can be part of that healing process ourselves.


The season surrounding Easter is a joyful reminder that God's love and grace is the power behind forgiveness. We can access that supernatural influence to forgive others, overcome resentment, redeem relationships and most importantly show love and mercy to a hurting world.

Jesus Christ

Easter Sunday is a couple of days a way and much of the world’s Christian population will be celebrating this Holy Day. Easter commemorates Jesus’ victory over death and mankind’s hope for eternal life.

The extraordinary importance followers put on the death of its founder, Jesus Christ, will strike anyone who follows Christianity. All other spiritual leaders are marked by their life not their death. Christians even chose the symbol of the cross to remember their leader and to remember his death.

And although Christianity has had a bittersweet history, believers have never swayed from their profound love of Christ. For in essence Christianity is really about Christ himself, he is the core and center. For without Christ, there is no Christianity.


As we approach this Holy Weekend it is a wonderful opportunity to contemplate again three very important questions; who is Jesus Christ, why did he go voluntarily and deliberately to the cross and why is it relevant to my 21st century life?


What we know about Christ is that he was in fact the historical figure of Jesus of Nazareth. He existed and is vouched for by pagan as well as Christian writers. He was a real human being who ate, slept, wept and lived his daily life.

We also know he was a testament to a certain set of ideals. As John Stott, minister and author, points out in many of his books on Christianity, “Jesus was a fearless critic of the establishment. He championed the causes of the poor and the needy. He made friends with the drop out of society. He had compassion on the very people who despised and rejected him. And although he was fiercely and unjustly attacked, he never retaliated. He told his disciples that they must love their enemies and he practiced what he preached.”

We also know that Jesus was the unique Son of God. There is ample testimony to his power and authority. He taught the multitudes, He healed the sick, He governed nature, He had power over death, He performed miracles and He forgave sins.

But the most intriguing and powerful aspect of Jesus Christ is what He said about himself. He referred to himself as “the light of the world”, “the bread of life”, “the way, the truth and the life”, the resurrection and the life, and finally he put himself forward as the object of people’s faith.


And as many religious leaders have proclaimed this is the ultimate paradox of Jesus Christ. He proclaimed things about himself that seemed insane and yet he showed no signs of anything but ultimately reliable.

We know at a deeper level that Jesus Christ is absolute and significant. He speaks to us at a heart and soul level. Carnegie Simpson summarizes it this way, “Instinctively, we do not class him with others. Jesus is not one of the world’s great…Jesus is apart. He is beyond our analysis. He confounds our canons of human nature. He compels our criticism and overleaps it. He awes our spirit. He said of himself, “I AM”. He assumed his uniqueness and did not draw attention to it. Jesus was sinless because he was selfless…and selflessness is love”.


Jesus also claimed that he came to the earth to do three things.

First, He claimed to be the fulfillment of the Old Testament Scriptures. Second, He claimed to be the Son of God. Third He claimed to be the Savior and Judge of the world.

We understand that the birth of Jesus was natural but his conception was supernatural and we recognize that his death was natural but his resurrection was supernatural.

Finally, we remember what Jesus Christ asks of mankind. He invites us to follow him, and, in turn, he offers the promise of eternal life.


One of the most thought provoking passages regarding Christ is revealed in Matthew 16. Jesus says to one of his disciples, “Who do you say that I am?”

That is a question we should ponder ourselves because inherently it demands an answer.

One of the favorite and most loved games in our town is the sport of lacrosse and it happens to be one of the fastest growing team sports in the United States.

The sport of lacrosse is a combination of basketball, soccer and hockey and is considered to be America’s first sport. It was born of the American Indians where lacrosse was often played to resolve conflicts, heal the sick, develop strong, virile men and celebrate religious rituals. In the earliest days, field of play would stretch for miles and miles of open plain with thousands of Indians on each team. The game often lasted for several days. The Indians characterized their relationship with lacrosse with deep spiritual involvement and the goal of bringing glory to themselves and their tribes. To Native Americans, the game is still referred to as “The Creator’s Game”.

French pioneers eventually adopted lacrosse, when Jean de Brebeuf, a Jesuit missionary, brought the game to Canada. In 1867 the game was standardized with set field dimensions, number of players and other basic rules.

The game of lacrosse is teeming with excitement and fast action. It requires coordination and agility, while quickness and speed are also advantageous. Lacrosse play often requires long sprints up and down the field with abrupt stops and starts and precision passing. It involves running, dodging, spinning and cutting and faking. It offers thrills from full throttle running to a break away goals. And unlike other team sports where size, height and athletic brawn matter, one can excel at lacrosse because of intelligence, speed, cunning and stick skills.

In lacrosse throwing the ball accurately is the what matters but the trick is that you have to use a stick, referred to as the “crosse”. Players learn to throw, catch and scoop the ball. A game clock dictates the length of the game and scoring goals is the sole determiner of who wins and who loses.

However, what makes lacrosse a special sport in Darien is what else our children are learning by playing the game. There are life lessons regarding ethics, communication, teamwork and sportsmanship that we can all benefit from. Moreover, these lessons are extremely valuable in shaping our children into the next generation of young men and women.

Here are just a few of the key points that are being shared with our kids.

Honor is important and valuable. It seems to be an inherent philosophy that lacrosse is a ton of fun but along with the good time goes a recommendation for integrity. Our kids are learning that steadfastly adhering to moral principles and high standards is what is expected and ultimately rewarded in both lacrosse and life. It is about displaying good sportsmanship on and off the field.

Winning and personal glory is good…but being a team player is what really makes you a winner. This emphasis on the team ultimately gives each kid a moment to stand down and a moment to shine. With every one on equal footing, there seems to be an overall satisfaction and happiness with the game for every single player. The lacrosse motto is, “Be modest in victory and gracious in defeat”.



Always give someone a second chance. Our kids are recognizing that offering someone an opportunity to try again is a much better option than giving them a hard time. They find out early that making mistakes is what learning is all about.

Show consideration of other people’s time by valuing your commitments. Coordinating teams and practices takes a lot of energy for the coach as well as the player. When each person is mindful of each other’s time, everyone feels good about the amount of hard work and discipline that goes into a sports’ schedule. Learning the value of commitment to other people and their time is beneficial in all situations.


Respect and admire your teammate. Finally kindness and being helpful toward a new or not so proficient player is widely promoted. When someone is feeling down, it is up to everyone on the field, to welcome, include, encourage and support that player. More importantly, our children are learning to show that same respect to coaches, referees and even their opponents.

Although this article highlights the story of lacrosse, all sports teach our kids valuable life lessons. We as parents, a community and a town can feel enriched and blessed by the dedication, time and attention that all of the volunteer coaches in each and every sports program are giving to our children.

Say No to the Bag

A lady gets up in the morning and goes to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and breakfast. They wrap her bagel in paper, put it into a bag with 5 napkins and put both of them on a tray.

She walks out of the store, gets into her car, opens the bag to eat her bagel and throws both the paper and the bag out. She takes her coffee off the tray and throws that out as well. She uses one of the 5 napkins. Not sure what to do with the other 4, she throws them out.

She goes to Shaw’s. She selects apples – they go into a plastic bag. She chooses snap peas – they go into a bag. She buys cold cuts – they go into a bag. She decides on cheese –another plastic bag. At the fish counter – they wrap her salmon in paper and then another plastic bag. She proceeds to check out, while the nice boy double bags her groceries. Once home, she puts everything away and then throws out 25 plastic bags.

She then takes Fido for his daily walk. She grabs a black plastic “doggie do” bag, cleans up after him and then disposes of that bag in the local trashcan.

She then heads to the dry cleaners to pick up shirts. 10 shirts -10 plastic, wrapper bags.

She rushes to buy gifts for a birthday party. Each is wrapped and put into a shopping bag. The store clerk kindly asks her if she would like a larger bag to put all her smaller bags into. She gets home, takes the gifts out, gives them to her children, and throws away the shopping bags. Her kids go off to the party and 2 hours later they come home with goodie bags in hand. They open them, enjoy the treats, and then throw those bags out too.

Her husband comes home at the end of the day. Wine bottle in hand –it’s in a bag. They open it up, remove the bag and throw it out.

Right before bed, they clean up, take all their garbage, all their bags, and put them into a bigger heavy-duty hefty garbage bag and throw it all out.

Now multiply this story times 230 million people in the United States.

When you can – Say no thank you to the bag, the extra napkins, the packaging, the wrapping, the paper liner, and the tray.

Darien is an amazing place

Darien is an amazing place to live. And although Darien is one of the most expensive places to live in North America it has also been rated one of the best places to live in America by CNN. The town has a total area of 14.8 square miles of which, 12.9 square miles of it is land and 2.0 square miles is water.

Darien has a rich history. According to early records, the first clearings of land were made in 1641 and the area became known as Middlesex parish in 1737. It was finally incorporated into the town of Darien in 1820.

According to the Darien Historical Society, the name Darien was decided upon when many families wanted the town named after the state assemblyman. He declined but a friend of his who had traveled to Darien, Panama suggested the name. It was eventually adopted because of the heritage of the early shipping industry along the Darien shoreline.

Until the advent of the railroad in 1848, Darien remained a small rural town of 1,000. Today the town boasts more than 20,000 residents with approximately 6,700 households. With the easy commute to New York, ample parks and beaches, great schools, and outstanding natural beauty, it is easy to see why so many people pick Darien to raise their families.

However what many people cannot easily see when they simply visit Darien is what really makes this town such a vibrant and remarkable place. It is the unique sense of small town community that Darien provides with a wonderful fellowship among people in town who are working toward common interests and goals. This can be seen in innumerable events played out every day through out the year. Here is just a snapshot of a few of the many, many special things that Darien has to offer.

Where else in the world can you stroll through 27 acres of a park like Cherry Lawn which houses community gardens, tennis courts, a children’s park donated by the townspeople, a dog area, exceptional Nature Center and a pond where families fish and ice skate together like a scene from a Norman Rockwell painting.

Where else in the world can you enjoy a sunrise beach service on a still Sunday morning over looking Long Island Sound. With your cup of coffee in hand, and blanket or beach chair, you can take part in the Noroton Presbyterian 6:00 am church service. Or just as unusual, you can spend the day at one of the wonderful retreats offered by The Convent of St. Brigitta, which houses a Swedish order of nuns.


In Darien, you can take advantage of recreation and sport activities for every age whether it’s paddle tennis, bicycle riding, sailing, soccer, baseball, football, lacrosse, rugby, basketball, canoeing or spend the day at Darien YMCA or The Depot, a youth center for town teenagers. You can even attend a horse show at Ox Ridge where a charity event attracts up to 1,300 equestrians from as far away as California and Europe.


Darien also boasts philanthropic groups all over town such as A Better Chance, Center For Hope, Children’s Council of Darien, Darien Technology & Community Foundation, Person to Person, Red Cross just to name a few and most of them are funded and staffed with town volunteer efforts.

We also have our own privately funded ambulance service known as the Darien EMS – Post 53. It is the only ambulance service in the nation staffed and run entirely by high school volunteers. Moreover we have a fire department and police unit that responds within minutes of a call for help.

Darien also has some of the best schools in the the nation with phenomenal teachers and tireless moms who pour out their heart and souls into volunteer school boards to insure our children have access to a variety of learning and enrichment programs.

And our own Darien Library has consistently ranked in the top ten of its category in the HAPLR (Hennen's American Public Library Ratings) Index of libraries.

Where else in the world can you can walk into a restaurant like The Sugar Bowl for breakfast and be greeted by the owners who pour your coffee and bring your favorite muffin to the table before you’ve even seen the menu.

Or see families enjoying the traditional tree lighting with Santa at the Darien Sports Shop with free cocoa and donuts every December.

In Darien, when you are facing a family emergency, neighbors show up with dinners, when a storm floods your home, someone arranges a team to bail you out, and when your child needs a ride or a word of encouragement, another parent is always there to offer help.

It’s the people in Darien that put the icing on the cake and aren’t we all extraordinarily lucky that we get to be neighbors and friends to each other and live in this beautiful and historic town.